It was just another Sunday morning, sunny…

Warm and nice outside, but something was calling me to take my morning routine back to bed. Dogs, coffee, and my books – such luxury. I do this a bit more in the winter months when it’s cold and dreary outside. Not usually when it is sunny and warm. So I listened and off I went. (Surrender, I am practicing.)

It was easy, the girls had been fed, and so they curled up with me, and my husband was out the door to play golf. Did I mention luxury? A slice of heaven? Paradise? LOL, I hope you get the picture.

A commitment I have made

To myself is to grow spiritually and take my lower case ‘s’ to an upper case ‘S’. Thank you, Deneen, for that comment, it hit home! Her suggestions were this: read the bible every day, take a scripture and reflect/meditate these questions. What is God saying to me through the text?  What do I want to say to God about the text? And what do I want to do based on my prayer?” So I began on this luxurious morning…

Yes, my Hag was talking, What scripture shall you begin with, where will you begin, wow this is overwhelming. LOL, I let her get this all out, and I told her, God the divine will lead. The scriptures started to appear everywhere. My pen flows in my journal and helps me understand more of myself so I can take my lower case ‘s’ to an upper case ‘S’. Closer to God. This feels like my personal Led Zeppelin song, Stairway to Heaven. So calming and nurturing.

Another book I received is Brene Brown’s book, Braving the Wilderness, The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, which I had with me in bed. I was looking forward to opening this book after listening to the interview between Marie Ferleo and Brene!  And I must confess, in the past, I have had a hard time reading Brene’s book because of her research and data (a bit dry for me) but, I love to listen to her being interviewed. Her wisdom, southern drawl, straight-forward attitude, and transparency wins me every time. I forged ahead and opened the book, and twenty-four pages later I experienced life-changing ‘ah-ha’ moments. I couldn’t believe what God was sending me, I almost peed my pants with excitement.

January 2017

I decided to make a big change in my business, and sell off the main ‘leg’ of Kim B Smith, Inc., Bold Radio Station. I wanted to pass the torch on when it was making a profit, the team is solid and amazing, and the hosts provide great content. Well, all of this led to this blog, but I have been wandering around in a fog. I lack clarity on what to do next. However, one clear commitment I made was to slooooooow down. This was spoken aloud to two people and let me tell you they hold my feet to the fire. (Damn to speaking it out loud!)

This year I still haven’t understood what this slowing down meant, because it really didn’t mean to lie on the couch day after day. I really am not that type of personality. Slowing down truly is a battle for me since I love to move and do! I like to keep busy (bad four-letter word).  However, busy deafens me to God’s message. Busy leads me to not feeling in my heart and staying in logic! (Not good for me.) So I slowed my tushie way down. (I need to have an understanding and have direction, or it gets bitchy with me) (Notice the need… lack of surrender.)

Back to that wonderful slice of heaven

Sunday morning, I started reading and Brene’s realness, her openness was so impactful. She shared how she just loves Maya Angelou, but one of her quotes didn’t sit well with her. The quote “You are only free when you realize you belong no place-you belong every place-no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” It hit me, as Brene went on to explain a lot of this in her own moment, I finally felt what slowing down meant. I finally felt what not moving for anyone really meant. And this my friends takes courage, true authenticity, (not the kind that people boast about) transparency, (not the kind that people say when starting a sentence) faith and a hell of a lot of hope. “The price is high, but the reward is great!” To totally feel into this, surrender, connect, and really see what I do to break myself down and in turn break down humanity. (Get the book – she goes deeper.)

We are living in a time of politics and ideology, and this determines our relationships. This all determines what groups to belong to base upon our comfort zone, and our opinions. This is destroying humanity. We walk on eggshells to belong, hide things form others to belong, and sever the most inner connectedness we are all craving for. Spirituality; noun

The quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.

We are so divided as humans; blaming, shaming, and rage. We are lonely and scared. Instead of sharing stories through love, curiosity, and support we are screaming and hating one another. Wow, humanity!

At this point, I am only into chapter 3 of Brene’s book, and I have already heightened my awareness. I understand what Maya was saying, and I understand the data and research of Brene Brown is presenting. Her true courage and big heart win me every time.

Pick up the book. I hope you have many ‘ah-ha’ moments as I did.