Wild & Wise! The Combo that Excels!

Looking back a decade, I was young – in my (near) mid-twenties, I think about how out of touch and out of control I had once thought this young woman was. Are we all that way at that age? What I know about this woman, a decade ago, is that she was fun, vibrant, carefree, although often careless, and a little bit wild. Her heart hasn’t been broken as many times yet. She’s a gypsy girl. This younger woman feared commitment and blew up her life about every year and a half, and she made the most out of everything. She loved music, went to folk festivals every year in a row for 11 years. She played guitar and taught herself to.

Once, my youngest brother bought me a water bottle with peace signs all over it because “you are a hippy”. I guess I am!

Peace Sign

For years I didn’t understand that what I was doing was becoming resentful towards my free-spirited self because of thoughts of what and who I ought to be. Also, that I should feel ashamed for the times I had too much fun – and perhaps made a fool out of myself. (In my twenties? I better get a grip – because I’ll probably – and plan to – make a fool out of myself for the rest of my life!)  Without realizing what I was doing, this twenty-year-old turned into a thirty-something with many boundaries and walls up – which I did probably initially with the intention of keeping harm out, but perhaps it was really to keep myself in. And before I knew it, I couldn’t figure out why I felt so out of touch with the emotional, sensitive, free-spirited person I no longer seemed to be.

So then what has changed now?

This girl in her twenties was raw and true, she just lacked awareness of herself as a woman and the Universe around her. Truly. With a clear mind now, it’s painfully obvious that I lacked the maturity to understand the swing of a pendulum and, because I’d swung too far one way, the over-reaction was to swing so far in the opposite direction to save myself. It’s time to find a balance where you don’t need to pump the swing so high that you feel you’re going to be the laughing stock of the playground when you come flying off. It’s time for a slow and steady pump for a gentle swing back and forth between joyful ups and compassionate downs.

Who Am I?

Now, in her mid-thirties, this girl has all the awareness and is now realizing I am missing that huge piece of rawness and truth!

So they say, your twenties are for screwing everything up, your thirties are for putting everything back together – and your forties are for enjoying yourself, just in a more responsible, compassionate way. This has been my “AH HA!” moment of late. That gypsy girl who plays guitar, talks too loud and lives to blow her life up every year and a half? That actually is who I am.

There’s just a little dash of forgiveness in the air for the 30 something that didn’t understand the difference. Hello, me. I see you. You still look like the 20-year-old version, but you’re wild and wiser now. It’s time to put your big girl wild pants on and get back to carefree, hippy, gypsy, vibrant you!

Tonia McArthur