I resent her! It is all in my MIND
I resent her so much. Why do I do this? Resent is like drinking poison and waiting for the subject to move on- to leave my mind and my life. Get out of my life. I feel this way with certain people, including myself and especially my dogs Luna and Grace- the loves of my life. I resent having to care for them and I resent not getting support. Now please understand this is all in my mind and I am not in my heart.
My resent is more than just people, it is truly really with me. I really don’t carry the resentment daily, just when I feel like things are out of control. (I am a huge control freak-recovering every day!) Being in control is a huge fallacy-just saying! We cannot control ANYTHING!!! I know (note the word know) that I cannot control anything, however, I can just manage things. There is a huge difference here. When the control thing pops up onto my radar, and the negative stuff begins in my head (that voice) which I call “The Hag in the Attic”, the resentment towards others, my business, the lack and then my responsibility, the dogs begins, loudly. This is when I feel I want someone to drive my life, take it over because I am tired and I need a break! Drive the bus for me, please.
I really want to take her back….Luna. This is work and I feel I cannot support myself. I have had this many times in my business. I am done, I quit, and I am tired. I feel alone- with no support. It is a song and dance I seem to constantly perform. I create platforms for others to collaborate, network and such- yet I feel unsupported. I have become the target practice board. I want all of this to go away.
The feelings this brings back
Being in the elementary school where teams are being formed for sports were chosen, and I am the last on the sidelines, the uncool kid…Now hold on, I have had a very successful corporate career, my first business in fitness was a huge success, and still is. I went on to build two online global businesses that are very successful as well. I learned a lot which makes me a great consultant for others, however, I am at this turning point, yet again in my….business….ha! No– in my life!
I am rebranding things, I’ve sold Bold Radio and with excitement, I’m passing that baton. It will have a fresh pair of eyes and a new breath of life. I really to need to focus on Kim B Smith personally and professionally. I have been everything for everyone and now it is time to live for me.
I have come to terms
It takes more than a smooth oil machine and a solid foundation in a business to thrive! It takes a lifestyle, imperfect, bumpy, smooth, laughter, tears, truth, honesty and so much more! So many women hire me to make their branding stronger, to make more money and so on but the overall picture is a mess. Everything from health, the mindset, spirituality, decisions and so on. I ask my clients to show up no matter what is going on even if snots are running down their nose, their hair is a mess or they are bouncing with joy….no matter what, it is nothing short of how I live. This is the whole picture, not just segments of our business. It is just like a wheel of a bicycle; one spoke out of alignment, the wheel doesn’t work to its fullest capacity. And one more time for the record….it never reaches perfection, there is always tweaking and growing to do!
I am off to do my tweaking, for practicing what I speak, and that is true authenticity! I have discovered that I no longer will experience the alone feelings, I have a higher spirit to turn too when that starts to creep up.
And by the way, I love my girls, Grace, and Luna, they are my heart and apples of my eyes! To this day Luna Tuna is 8 ½ months old and Grace, the amazing therapy dog will be 6 in May. I no longer want to give her back, I am constantly supported in so many different ways. Thus has been a process of growing for me, the control freak is small, the managing person is driving here, but I’m not alone. I have the grace of God to provide.