I am Bored!
Yes, that is what I said! I AM Bored! B-O-R-E-D! Bored! What is this all about?
I am a doer! Do-do-do, go-go-go and plan-plan-plan my next steps! I have emptied my life, well, sold off a big part of my business! (Yes, I am still talking about this.) This is a huge part of me, and in fact, all my business endeavors are and have been an identity for me. It has been my self-worth, image, title and so on.
This is an old pattern, or shall I say, a default button of mine…my titles, my income, and my accomplishments are tied into my self-worth, so today and other days I am bored! In the past, I have been an exercise freak, (zero coincidence of owning a fitness company-HA!) but I have a small tear in my hip, so my fitness has been toned way down. I feel like I am moving but going nowhere in particular. I am told to be still. Ok, I get that, but enough! So now I am bored, but what does this truly mean?
I need an alternate route without getting frustrated, angry and plain ole bored!
Do you ever feel like you need a different route to go to the store, or to work? Another avenue of driving, seeing different things, doing things differently-variety in life! An alternate route, maybe creating metaphorically a day of construction, an alternate route so to speak.
I made a few commitments at the end of 2016; getting Grace (my black lab) certified as a therapy pet; a new puppy- Luna (she lays on my lap as I type); to deepen my spirituality by attending church and studying deeper the CEO of my life, God, and getting involved more with the community of volunteering. This is all the Re-branding of KimBSmith in more ways than one. I desire simplicity, so here it is, and I am bored! Does simplicity mean boredom? I love simple, yet elegant, and I work every day towards this but it doesn’t need to be boring. My personality equates boredom to not having a packed scheduled when I am at choice to what I want to place into my day and that certainly isn’t boring. So my “Hag in the Attic” needs some re-training and re-wiring!
Wanting more!
I really know how to get out and create, however, I am unclear to which way to go or am I letting boredom hold me back. It’s like time is slipping away. My personality then goes to the extreme of not leaving the house, becoming lazy, oh and to mention the weather in Michigan doesn’t help this (winters and lack of sunlight, ice and snow! UGH!). Is it my time to turn in and re-wire/re-brand Kim? Yes it is!
My belief when I become “bored” I am trying to control and force things and step into that unaligned place. I want to make it happen faster and faster (yes that is my true personality) however, when I slow down, I manage my breathing; I can think and feel better, I receive such far better and clearer messages from the Universe and I allow things to unfold instead of forcing. Yes, this is a daily practice for me, to surrender and release the control.Let me tell you I show up short, drop balls, make mistakes on some days, however, I also do my best each and every day that I can possibly do. All of these feelings are like the rug is being pulled out from underneath my feet when I feel I am losing control. Losing that footing or foundation which is very unnerving to me causes the control-freak to get loud.
Do you ever feel this way and what do you do to grow stronger and root deeper into yourself?
Will I completely stop this? No! But I am aware, and I know what to do to manage this ‘boredom!’ My fear of boredom is just this: I will be passed up, like the kid waiting to be chosen for the baseball team. My fear is I will lose and not win-at what I do not know! My fear is I will dissolve into nothing while the world keeps growing and moving. This is all false and it is just my Hag trying to keep me down.
Remember we are all Human doing the best we can with all types of situations, it is how you are managing things, staying in honesty, integrity, word and love. Who do you turn to for this support?
Peace,
Kim